At the age of 19 I was given the title Mom by our daughter, Daisy. I remember being equally terrified as I was excited. I was about to embark on a journey with my best friend, raising a tiny human. At this period of life, I was knee deep in college, and Chase was running a youth ministry. We were just trying to figure out how to be married and do this thing we call life. This angel brought us so much joy. I remember people saying the nights would be long, the days short, and time would pass so quickly. Although I truly had no grasp of this concept. There is no way to prepare your soul for motherhood. We can prepare our homes and schedules, but what about our soul? As mothers and as women, we find ourselves constantly sharing recommendations on well, everything, Best pregnancy gear, baby gear, must have swings, car seats, you name it. I wish someone would’ve told me, “momma its not easy and sometimes the days and nights are going to feel long and lonely.” You are going to have an indescribable amount of love for this sweet human, but they are going to require your whole being. Sometimes you are just going to feel like their mom. I am here to tell you sweet momma, you are so much more. The Lord has such a specific purpose for your journey in this life, and I want you to run and seek after that in the midst of being a mom.
You can be a mom and fulfill your God given purpose. We live in a culture that wants us to center our entire self around these tiny human beings. To stop our lives, our schedules, our marriage relationships and just focus on keeping them happy. It is not our job to keep them happy, but it is our job to keep them healthy, physically, emotionally, and eventually spiritually. How are we supposed to do this with our life centered around them? We have to model this for them. We have to show them that mommy and daddy have time together because they love each other and love them. We have to show them we continue our lives and teach them how to cooperate within society. Hear me, no one is asking you to have a 2 year old, tiny soldier, perfectly sitting at the dinner table for a formal evening dinner.
Although we cannot keep them caged in our home for fear of someone thinking we have “that kid” in public. Those people either forgot what their kids were like, how ever many years ago, or do not have kids. Trust me, I have been on the butt end of that deal as well, as early as last week. Chick Fil A is my go to lunch spot for my kiddos- one word- playground! This particular day our lunch was a more spontaneous situation though, our sweet foster daughter’s parents decided to not show up for her visit. We left the CPS office with her heartbroken, 3 year old self, trying to comprehend what was happening. As she was trying to settle we were walking into Chick Fil A. I found myself fighting back tears. Tears of frustration, confusion, and pure emotion. In that moment, I held my 4 year old and 3 year old daughters hands and got on my knees in the grass parking lot and just began to pray. Pray for peace. Peace for our sweet girls soul but also for my momma soul. After a short period of play time, she began to weep once again. I was in the middle of paying for food and gathering sauces (you know the get everything you need routine). The line was filled with men and women of all ages, and I could feel the stares as I carried her through the restaurant sobbing, both of us an equal hot mess. Although in that moment, my soul was at peace. I didn’t need them to offer a helping hand or a courteous smile, because deep down I knew it was absolutely okay to let this baby girl just cry it out without giving anyone an explanation.
Ashley and I meet with moms every Thursday morning and have such amazing discussions on the book we are all reading, The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. Get this book and gather all of your mom friends that want to fellowship and feed your souls with biblical encouragement. I leave our time together so refreshed with ideas on giving grace, pushing our children toward purpose, and feeding our soul with the word. So that we can not only be the best mom we can be, but that we can be the best version of ourselves, chasing after the purpose the Lord has for us.