Mother’s Day has been very different for me this year. I think every holiday looks different based on people’s personal lives. For me it has been a day to kick back, relax, and feel appreciated in the past. Let’s be honest, what Mom doesn’t want to do this?! Although having our sweet foster daughter in our lives this year has rocked my motherhood world. We knew accepting placement of her that we may not be her forever home. The goal for her is to either be reunited with her biological parents, or with her siblings in a placement together. The reality of this has become more real for our family over the last few weeks and it feels like every day could be the last day I am her Mom.
The last day…..I get a feeling in my gut like someone punched me and tears roll down my face every time I think about packing all of her things to go. This has not just impacted my heart, our hearts. It has brought us face to face with reality of the days with our children are limited. It has changed our way of life. We still have jobs, businesses, and life. Although we have truly evaluated our time spent outside of these things. As a stay at home mom I spend a tremendous amount of time with our children and do my best to instill in them important things at their level. The thought of her last day makes me think of the urgency I truly have with these things. After sitting down one night thinking she could be gone the next day, I asked myself what will I wish I had done more.
- Pray more….pray for her…pray with her…teach her how to pray…teach her why we pray.
- Read….I wish I would spend more time reading not only the Word with her, but nursery rhymes. The reality is I have no idea if she was ever read a nursery rhyme before entering our home.
- Hold her….I kept a friends sweet foster baby boy today and snuggled him up so much. It made me realize although my kids are up, running around, and not wanting to be held. I can create more opportunity to hold them.
I found myself in tears again. Motherhood can bring lots of tears, as a Foster Mom I find myself in tears often. Instead of beating myself up wondering how much time I scrolled through Facebook or doing something pointless. I prayed. I asked the Lord to give me a burning passion to have an urgency to teach my kids important things. Important things about Him and who He made them to be. Our sweet girl has reminded me of the honor we have in this journey of motherhood. I pray I never take it for granted. When the house is a disaster, kids are fighting, and the dog is on the dining room table. I pray I soak in every single moment and remember God gave me these children and gifted me with a true desire to mother.
You are worthy! You are doing a great job!